Why did the camel cross the road? To get to the other side.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline is apparent.

I finally got around to watching the World Origami Championships. It was paper view.

I used to work for a soft drink company, but I got canned for not meeting the fizz-iness goals.

The invention of the shovel was ground-breaking!

I finally got my PhD in palindromes. It’s Dr. Awkward now.

If at first you don't succeed, then you're not Chuck Norris.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.

What's a mummy's favorite kind of music? Wrap music.

I enlisted in the Army to learn how to stay calm under pressure. It didn't work.

I'm reading a book on the history of gingerbread houses. I can't stop eating it up.

I don't trust people who do acupuncture, they're always sticking it to you.

Why do bees hum? They don't remember the words.

Moses had the first tablet, the iPad - that was a terrible pun.

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!

I asked the gym trainer what machine I should use to impress beautiful women. He said, 'The ATM.'

I asked the baker to make me 24 cupcakes for a party. He said, 'Two dozen it.'

I’m trying to come up with a vegetable pun, but I just can’t produce any.

I used to be a train conductor, but I couldn't get on board with it.

I'm friends with a vegan baker. He's a real gluten for punishment.