Why did the math book look positive? It had solutions to all its problems.

I told my wife she should embrace her love for shopping, now she's buying it all.

I told my wife she should embrace her laziness, now she's taking a nap.

I asked the computer if it had any jokes, but it kept giving me errors.

I told my wife she should embrace her competitiveness, now she's challenging me to everything.

I'm writing a book on failed procrastination, I'll finish it later.

Why did the pencil break up with the paper? It felt too drawn out.

I'm in a band called Moderation, we're playing at a reasonable volume.

Why did the salad go to the art exhibit? It heard they had great dressing.

I told my wife she should embrace her short temper, now she's mad at me.

I'm trying to start a band with vegetables, but they can't play any beet.

Why did the shark blush? It saw the ocean's bottom.

I asked my wife if she wanted to embrace her boredom, she said she'd think about it.

I'm reading a book on patience, it's taking forever to finish.

Why did the tomato stop in the middle of the road? It saw the soup ahead.

I asked the sun if it had any jokes, but it was too bright to answer.

I'm friends with 26 letters of the alphabet, but I always hang out with 'U'.

I tried to write a joke about the recycling bin, but it was just garbage.

I told my wife she should embrace her creativity, now she's painting outside the lines.

I asked my wife to try a math problem, she said she can't function under that kind of pressure.

I'm friends with 26 letters of the alphabet because I know 'Y' always wants to hang out.