I'm friends with a deck of cards - we have a full house.

I told my boss I had a cold, so he gave me an algorithm to solve.

Why did the golf club go to the doctor? It had a slice.

I'm friends with a belt - we're always in loop.

I tried water polo, but my horse drowned.

I'm friends with a belt - we have a good hold on things.

I applied for a job as a mirror, but it didn't reflect well on me.

I wasn't initially a big fan of facial hair, but then it grew on me.

I'm friends with a pencil - we're always on point.

I used to be a musician, but I got tired of scales.

I'm friends with a clock maker - he counts every minute we spend together.

I used to be a baseball player, but I couldn't hit it off with the team.

I told a joke about fishing, but it didn't catch on.

I told a joke about swimming, but it didn't make a splash.

I told a joke about mountains, but it failed to peak interest.

I told a joke about a train, but it derailed.

I told a joke about cheese, but it wasn't very mature.

I told a joke about bees, but it didn't buzz with the audience.

I tried to organize a bank robbery, but I couldn't get the vault to open.

I told a joke about eggs, but it cracked under pressure.

I'm friends with a banker - he's always making cents.