I told a joke about construction, but it didn't build momentum.

I'm friends with a pessimist, but I don't like their negative attitude.

I told my phone a joke, but I think it took offense.

I'm friends with a musician, but they're always keying me in on their problems.

I found a great seafood pun, but I just couldn't trout myself to tell it.

I saw a beaver movie last night, it had too many dam scenes.

I'm friends with a gardener, they really know how to dig up dirt.

I'm friends with a baker, they're on a roll.

I'm friends with a tailor - he always fits me in.

I have a joke about unemployment, but it needs some work.

I used to be a butcher, but I backed out - didn't have the chops.

I'm friends with a very physically fit couple. We work out.

I went to buy some camouflaged trousers but couldn't find any.

I tried to eat a clock yesterday - it was very time consuming.

I won $3 million in the lottery - but the government took $2 million.

The quickest way to make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.

I'm friends with a lot of smokers - every pack's a friend.

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner - It was just gathering dust

I'm reading a book on the history of the contrast letter 'e'. I just can't seem to find it.

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the tub.

I'm reading a book about Stockholm syndrome. It's only my captivation.