Why did the music teacher go to jail? For conducting themself poorly.

I entered a pun contest, hoping to win – but no pun in ten did.

I used to be a magician, but I couldn't work my wand.

I'm writing an autobiography, but I can't seem to find the right words.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on quiet people. She said, 'Shh, they're over there.'

I've just written a song about tortillas, it's more of a rap.

I would tell you a joke about a fence, but it's unpicketable.

I would tell you a joke about some paper, but it's tearable.

I'm writing a book on hurricanes and it blows my mind.

I used to play piano but the music wasn’t my forte.

I asked the gym if they had free weights, they said my membership wasn't that advanced.

A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.

I'm friends with all the letters of the alphabet, but I get along with 'F' the best.

I asked the gym coach if he could teach me to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays.'

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

Why do bees hum? They don't know the words.

I'm friends with a vegan who can't pronounce quinoa properly. He's a quinoan-sense.

I told my wife she should practice social distancing from the kitchen. I'm sleeping in the garage now.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. Let's see which comes first.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me, and now I miss my mistakes.

I asked my dog how much is between the earth and the sun. He said, 'Just a dog walk away.'