I walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre. The bartender gave it to me.

I used to be a baker, but then I loafed around.

I used to be a baker, but now I'm in a crumby situation.

I used to be a baker, but now I'm toast.

I used to be a baker, but things got a bit crusty.

I used to be a baker, but you could say I couldn't rise to the occasion.

I used to be a baker, but you might say I was on a roll.

I used to be a baker, but you might say I was quite a handful.

I told my computer I needed a break and it threw my coffee mug at me.

I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.

What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud!

I'm reading a book on the history of gravity… It's impossible to put down!

I'm friends with a lot of vegetarians… I'm a part of their inner celery.

I'm always telling dad jokes but never thought I'd have any kids to share them with.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology… don't buy it.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me… she said no, so I fell asleep.

I'm trying to organize a hide and seek championship, but good players are hard to find.

My new years' resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full of either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

Why are spiders great at web design? Because they have great website architecture.

A magician was driving down the street, then he turned into a driveway.

I'm friends with my legs, but we just keep running into trouble.