Why did the golf club bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

I used to be in a band called 'Dyslexia'. We didn't last long, the posters were always backwards.

I didn't like my beard at first, but it's growing on me.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta, trying to twist the pasta puns.

I'm on a whiskey diet, I already lost three days, but they were on the rocks.

I'm trying to start a hide and seek tournament, but good players are always hidden away.

I used to be a baker, but then I decided to rise above the competition.

Banana puns are so ap-peeling, they never get old.

I thought I'd tell you a time traveling joke, but you didn't like it.

I'm staying up all night to see where the sun went, then it dawned on me.

I told my wife she should try parallel parking, she's not talking to me.

Chickens always talk to each other in poultry-geist.

Geology rocks, but geography is where it's at.

I bought a vacuum the other day, it really sucks.

I told some friends about my fear of speed bumps, but they don't seem to slow down.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - she handed me divorce papers.

My wife told me I should embrace my mistakes - I haven't seen her since.

My wife told me to embrace my mistakes - I fell in love with someone else.

My wife told me to embrace my mistakes - I accidentally hugged the neighbor.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - she belly laughed.

I would tell a pun about construction, but I'm still building up to it.