When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Why don't pencils date each other? They're afraid they may not have a point.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

I used to know a baker, but we just couldn't make enough dough.

Why did the Italians go to jail? They pasta-tively committed a crime.

Why don't skeletons ever fight each other? They don't have the guts.

Why are math books always sad? They have too many problems.

I told my wife she should try doing lunges - that would be a big step forward.

I started a band called 1023MB, but we still haven't gotten a gig.

I used to be a bike messenger, but I couldn't handle the pressure.

I'm trying to learn how to juggle, but I just can't seem to keep all the balls in the air.

My wife always accuses me of being immature. Well, I think it's time she grows up.

Being a comedian is tough, I have to take my puns seriously.

My wife says I'm an average husband. That's just mean.

I used to have a job collecting leaves, but I was raking it in too much.

I joined the army to see the world, and I did – through a rifle scope.

I work in a blanket factory – it's a really cover job.

I once knew a baker who was a prophet. He would rise every day.

I asked my dad for his best dad joke. He laughed and said, 'You.'

Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? The potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!

I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof!