I'm reading a book on anti-gravity—I can't put it down!

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones—that's why it's called a 'cell' phone.

Do you want a brief explanation of what a pun is? No pun intended!

I'm friends with all the numbers, just not the imaginary ones.

I used to play piano, but my skills were only grand on paper.

I'm a huge fan of whiteboards - they're quite re-markable.

I asked the gym if they had any dumbbells - they told me they didn't stock politicians.

Old mathematicians never die, they just lose some of their functions.

I used to be a night owl, but now I'm an early bird who catches the worm.

I wrote a song about a tortilla, well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

Why did the baseball team go to the bank? They needed a good pitcher.

Why did the mechanic sleep under the car? Because he wanted to get up oily in the morning.

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in love and couldn't stop tripping over my own feet.

I'm reading a book about philosophy, but I'm questioning whether I'll finish it.

I'm friends with every number one to zero. We go way back.

I'm friends with 3.14159265359, but he's irrational at times.

I'm friends with the thesaurus. In fact, I've never been more wordier.

I'm friends with the elevator. We've had our ups and downs.

I'm friends with the calendar. It has so many dates!

What do you call fake granite? A faux pas.

I've always heard that a penny saved is a penny earned, but actually, it's more like a nickel.