I started a new business making landmines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof!

I'm reading a book on the history of the treadmill. It's a real page-turner.

I told my wife she should try sculpting. She took a stab at it.

I tried water skiing once, but I couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? She’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I used to be a runway model, but I just couldn't keep up.

I used to be a baker, but it was a half-baked idea.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She laughed and hugged me.

My cat always gets excited when I play with her yarn; she's quite the knit wit.

I made a belt out of watches, but it turned out to be a waist of time.

I used to be a baker, but I got tired of the daily grind.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She said that's what the spare room is for.

What tools do burglars use? Screwdrivers.

I failed math so many times in school, I lost count.

I'm reading a book on hurricanes, and it's blowing my mind.

Why did the math book look happy? Because it got a lot of problems solved.

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.

I got a new job as a scarecrow. It's a no-brainer.

I'm really good at solving riddles. I can do it with my eyes closed.

I told my computer I needed a break, but it refused because it had too many windows open.

I'm allergic to nuts, but I'm friends with some real walnuts.