I asked the librarian if they had any books on intuition. They said they have a feeling they do.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a handshake.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on illiteracy. They didn't get the joke.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a standing ovation.

I'm reading a book on reverse psychology. It's surprisingly good.

I told my dog it's pointless to chase its tail. It's been circling that issue for hours.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I do it by hand.

My internet went down for 5 minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.

I was reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I considered going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.

I asked my French friend if she played video games, she said 'Wii.'

I used to be a baker, but I needed a bread-er future.

My dentist told me I need a crown, I said 'Wow, finally some recognition!'

I'm reading a book on gravity, it's falling for me.

I'm friends with 6:30... we go way back.

I used to be a banker, but I lost interest too quickly.

I'm friends with 4, it's even.

I lost my job at the calendar factory... I took a day off.

I'm friends with the dictionary, it's always there for me.

I'm friends with a pencil, we draw each other's company.

I told my phone a joke... now it has unlimited data.