I bought a dog from a blacksmith because as soon as he got home, he made a bolt for the door.

I tried to cook a meal for my wife, but it all went up in smoke; I guess I'm just a hot mess.

I used to be a tailor, but I kept making the wrong cuts; now I stick to sewing puns.

My friend told me she's dating a pastry chef, I said they must be the perfect match - sweet and flaky.

I saw an apple on a tree, I guess it's true when they say 'you are what you eat'.

I used to be a ship captain, but I couldn't sail under pressure.

My wife told me to stop making small jokes, so I made a pun instead; that was a little larger.

I tried to make a belt with a watch buckle, but it was just a waist of time.

I tried to make a joke about billionaires, but it just doesn't seem to have any change.

My wife told me I should laugh more, so I started reading a book on comedy - it's tear-able.

I bought a bird that couldn't sing, it was a cheep purchase.

I went to buy camouflage pants, but couldn't find any.

I used to be a baker until I couldn't make ends meet.

I tried to take a selfie while camping, but it was all in-tents.

I'm friends with a pastry chef, we have a sweet relationship.

I went to a seafood disco, ended up pulling a mussel.

I told my friend a joke about construction, but it still needs some groundwork.

I accidentally drank food coloring, now I feel like I've dyed on the inside.

I'm always late to work because time flies when you're having fun.

I used to be a scarecrow, but I didn't have the guts for it.

I went to a composer's house party, it was quite a symphony.