How do politicians say goodbye? VAT is enough!

Why did the politician go to the doctor? To get a shot at healthcare reform!

Did you hear about the politician who tried to balance the budget? He fell off the fiscal cliff!

Why did the politician have trouble making new friends? He couldn't stop flip-flopping!

What do you call a dinosaur with political influence? A mega-saur!

Why did the politician bring a map to the election? He wanted to make sure he was on the right side.

What did the politician say to the cashew? 'You're nuts!'

How do you get a politician out of a tree? Cut the rope.

Why did the politician go to the beach? To wave to all the voters.

How does a politician take his coffee? With a little bit of corruption on the side.

What do you call a politician who's lost an election? A campaign has-been.

Why did the politician go to the football game? To see how to tackle tough issues.

What's a politician's favorite kind of cookie? Oatmeal raisin, because they're masters at raising taxes.

Why don't politicians play chess? They can't handle the checks and balances.

What's a politician's favorite dance move? The spin doctor shuffle.

Why did the politician bring a pack of gum to the debate? So they could stick to their talking points.

Why was the politician afraid of the calendar? Because they heard their days in office were numbered.

Why did the politician bring a GPS to the rally? So they wouldn't get lost in their own arguments.

Why did the politician bring a mirror to the interview? So they could practice their best fake smile.

How does a politician stay cool in the summer? They rely on shady deals.

Why did the politician go to the farmer's market? To meet all their fruit and vegetable supporters.