How can you tell if a politician is lying? His lips are moving.

Why did the politician wear sunglasses? He didn't want to be recognized as he flip-flopped on issues.

What do you call a politician who never tells a lie? Retired.

Why did the politician join the gardening club? To learn how to plant seeds of doubt in the minds of voters.

How do politicians greet each other? With a shake of the hands and a pat on the back... with a knife.

What did the politician say to the hacker? Stop trying to dig up my past, I'm a politician not an archaeologist.

Why did the politician go to the comedy club? To work on his stand-up routine for the next election campaign.

Why did the politician go to the dentist? To get more bite in his speeches.

How does a politician cool down? By implementing a new fan tax.

Why did the politician go to the art gallery? To brush up on his spin tactics.

What do you call a group of politicians on a ship? A sinking cabinet.

Why did the politician bring a mirror to the rally? To reflect on his re-election chances.

Why was the politician always calm during debates? He had mastered the art of political zen.

What do you get when you cross a politician and a magician? An expert in misdirection.

Why do politicians make terrible DJs? They always change their tune.

What do you call a group of politicians trapped in a room together? A deadlock.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to change it and another to take credit for it.

Why did the politician become a gardener? He heard he could always rake in the votes.

What do you call a politician who sleeps all day? A filibuster.

Why did the politician bring a pencil to the debate? To erase history.

Why did the politician go to therapy? To work on his issues with gridlock.