How do politicians stay in shape? They exercise their right to remain stationary.

Why did the politician bring a ladder to the debate? So he could talk down to his opponents.

What do you call a politician who's lost an election? A sore loser.

Why did the politician bring a map to Congress? He heard they couldn't find their way to a decision.

How do politicians stay cool during heated debates? They have fans blowing hot air behind them.

Why did the politician sit on the clock during a filibuster? He wanted to be on the wrong side of history.

Why did the politician go to therapy? To work on his issues with projection.

Why was the politician like a smartphone? They both have a lot of apps but rarely deliver.

What do you call a group of politicians stuck in an elevator? A perfect opportunity for compromise.

Why did the politician bring a map to the debate? In case they needed to change their position.

How does a politician sleep at night? First they lie on one side, then the other.

Why did the politician bring a mirror to the election? To reflect on their past promises.

What do politicians and diapers have in common? They both need to be changed regularly for the same reason.

Why did the politician bring a spoon to the debate? In case they needed to stir up some trouble.

Why did the politician sit on the clock during the press conference? To be on top of the issues.

What do you call a politician who loses an election? A sore loser.

Why did the politician go to the circus? To see all the clowns in one place.

What do you call a group of politicians in a hot air balloon? A promising start.

How do you know when a politician is lying? Their lips are moving.

What do you call a group of politicians on a hot day? A sweatshop.

Why did the politician go to art school? To learn how to draw new district lines.