I used to be a tailor, but I couldn't make the seams meet.

I told my friend they should embrace their fears. They haven't stopped hugging me since.

I told a joke about time-travel, but you didn't like it in the past.

I told my friend they should take up gardening. It's a lot of peas and quiet.

I told my computer a joke about RAM, but it didn't have enough memory to laugh.

I told my wife she should do jumping jacks. It really raised the bar.

I told a construction joke, but I'm still building up to the punchline.

I used to sell calendars, but my days were numbered.

I saw a documentary about beavers, it was the best dam show ever.

I used to be a photographer, but it wasn't picture perfect.

I told a squirrel to stay out of the road, but it wouldn't listen - it was a rebel without a cause.

I told my math teacher I'm average. She told me that's mean.

I'm friends with a calendar. We have days.

Why did the math book look tense? It couldn't solve problems.

I'm friends with a tree; it always leaves me laughing.

I tried to write a pun about pencils, but it was pointless.

Why did the clock get in trouble? It went alarmingly fast.

I'm friends with a river; it always flows with laughter.

Why did the math book feel depressed? Too many problems to solve.

Why did the math book look lost? It couldn't solve its problems.

I'm friends with a river; it flows with jokes.