My partner said they wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. So I bought them a pepper grinder.

I love being married. It's like having a built-in audience for all my bad jokes.

I asked my partner what they wanted for their birthday. They said 'nothing.' So I got them a box of air.

My partner said they wanted to start role-playing in the bedroom. So now I'm the one who falls asleep first.

I used to date a mathematician, but they always wanted to divide our time together.

My partner is like a fine wine – they get better with age and make me fall asleep on the couch.

Why do the French like to eat snails? They know how to take things slow in relationships.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's ever been with. She said, 'Yes, the others were all terrible.'

My girlfriend said she wanted a man who was spontaneous. So I bought her a dictionary and highlighted the word 'spontaneous.'

Why did the man break up with the bakery owner? He just couldn't handle the kneadiness.

How do you know if your partner is a lawyer? They always want to argue.

Why did the woman dump the horse trainer? She got tired of horsing around.

I asked my girlfriend why she always carries a ladder in her purse. She said she likes to date up.

My wife told me to stop playing chess with her. I think she's tired of me rook-ing her king.

Why did the woman break up with the meteorologist? He promised showers but never followed through.

Relationships are like a pun. If it's not a good one, it's a bad one.

I told my wife she should join the circus. She said she's already married to a clown.

Why did the man break up with the gardener? He couldn't handle the commitment - he was too rootless.

Why did the man break up with the tailor? He just couldn't seem to hem in his emotions.

My boyfriend and I started a band called 1023MB. We haven't got a gig yet.

Went to a romantic movie with my girlfriend. I'm great at pretending to cry.