Why did the cheese break up with the macaroni? It was too pasta-tive.

Why did the man break up with his gym? It was becoming too demanding.

I told my wife she should try archery to improve her focus. She gave me a pointed look and asked if I wanted to test her aim.

My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect relationship. I told her to try dating a math book.

Why did the sea monster break up with his girlfriend? She was too shallow.

I told my wife she should wear more blue. She said, "I sky blue you," and walked away.

Why did the man break up with his calendar app? It wasn't date-worthy.

I asked my wife if she ever gets a fluttery feeling in her heart. She said yes, it's called indigestion.

Why did the man bring a map to his date? To find the way to her heart.

My wife said I should do sit-ups to stay in shape. I said, "Why would I need to sit up when I have you?"

Why did the cookie break up with the milk? It was too clingy.

Why did the avocado break up with the online dating site? It just couldn't find the perfect match.

My boyfriend said he wanted to be treated like a king. So I crowned him and made him my jester.

Why did the scientist break up with his microscope? He couldn't see things working out.

Why did the woman break up with the dentist? He had too many fillings.

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a movie star. So I gave her a small role in a forgettable romantic comedy.

I told my wife she should trust me like she trusts her GPS. She told me to take a hike.

What do you call two spiders who just got engaged? Engaged arachnids.

My boyfriend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I told my wife she should do sit-ups to stay in shape. I didn't realize she wanted to stay round.

I told my wife she should try boxing to relieve stress. She wants to punch me in the face.