Why did the girl break up with the astronaut? He needed space.

My husband told me I need to be more in touch with my feminine side. So now I'm ignoring his feelings.

What do you call two octopuses that want to get married? Tentacle mates.

I asked my husband if he remembered our first date. He said yes, that's why he never took me out again.

My wife told me I need to be more responsible. So I texted her when I was going to be late for dinner.

What did the pencil say to the paper? You're tearable.

I asked my wife if she ever dreams about me. She said yes, about me doing the laundry.

Why did the man break up with his calendar? He couldn't handle all the dates.

My girlfriend told me I need to be more spontaneous. So I showed up at her house unannounced. It didn't go well.

What did the husband say when his wife left him for a drummer? He said, 'She can beat it!'

Why did the boy bring a ladder to his soccer game? He heard the coach say they needed to work on their headers.

I told my wife she should do more yoga. That way she can stretch all the way to the other room when she's mad at me.

Why did the man propose at the art gallery? He wanted their love to be a masterpiece.

I asked my wife if she wanted to go on a romantic cruise. She said, 'Only if it's a solo trip.'

Why did the man break up with his vacuum cleaner? It sucked the life out of their relationship.

I told my husband he should be more romantic. So now he introduces himself as my 'temporary Valentine.'

Why did the man propose on a mountain? He wanted to take their relationship to new heights.

Why did the girl bring a ladder to the library? She heard it had a lot of stories.

Why did the man break up with his GPS? It told him to turn around every time he tried to move forward.

Why did the man propose at the beach? He wanted to start their relationship on a sandy foundation.

Why did the woman break up with the ghost? She couldn't see a future with him.