My boyfriend told me I need to be more adventurous. So I went to the grocery store without a shopping list.

Why did the man break up with his internet browser? It couldn't keep up with his search history.

I told my wife she should do more cardio. That way she can run away faster when I annoy her.

I asked my girlfriend if she believes in love at first sight. She said yes, that's why she hasn't looked at me since.

My girlfriend told me I need to be more spontaneous. So I booked us a surprise trip to the grocery store.

What did the grape say when it got pinched? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

I asked my wife if she ever thinks about leaving me. She said no, so I guess I'm doing something right.

My girlfriend wanted me to take her somewhere she's never been before, so I took her to the kitchen!

I told my husband I was leaving him because he keeps pretending to be a detective. He said, 'Good idea, we can cover more ground this way.'

What did the painter say to his date? 'I really know how to brush up on my relationships.'

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it couldn't ketchup with the salad!

My husband told me I should be more affectionate. So I got a cat.

I asked my husband if he ever fantasizes about me. He said yes, about me cooking dinner every night.

Why did the man break up with his internet browser? It couldn't commit to a relationship.

I love my wife's cooking. It's amazing what she can do with a microwave.

I asked my girlfriend to let me know the next time she has an orgasm. She said she doesn't like to bother me when I'm at work.

I asked my wife why she married me. She said it was the best way to stop me from singing.

Why did the math book break up with the history book? Because it had too many problems.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, 'No, wait! I can change.'

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. Ten years later, she gave me a hug.

I asked my boyfriend to stop singing 'Wonderwall'. He said maybe...