I asked my wife what she thought of our relationship. She said it was like a book. Good at the start, boring in the middle, and she can't wait to see how it ends!

My boyfriend thought it would be cute to surprise me with a pet rabbit. Little did he know, I'm allergic!

Why did the calendar break up with the clock? It wanted more dates!

My boyfriend and I decided to break up after we started arguing about which is better, cats or dogs. It was a real cat-astrophy!

Why did the math teacher break up with the arithmetic teacher? They just couldn't find the right sum!

Why did the couple break up at the beach? Because they were not shore about their future together!

I asked my wife if she believed in ghosts. She said no, but she still talked about her ex like he was haunting her!

Why did the electrician break up with his girlfriend? He couldn't resist the spark with someone else!

My girlfriend said she wanted a break. So I locked her in the bedroom and hid the key!

Why did the computer break up with the tablet? It found someone more touchscreen-compatible!

My boyfriend accused me of being addicted to social media. I told him to like it or swipe left!

Why did the doctor break up with the pharmacist? They just couldn't find the right prescription for love!

I told my husband he should treat me like a princess. He started calling me 'Your Majesty' while I did all the work!

Why did the baker break up with his girlfriend? She was always loafing around!

My girlfriend said she wants a man who is more spontaneous. So I bought tickets to a Taylor Swift concert without telling her!

Why did the scarecrow and the snowman go on a double date? They both needed someone to keep them grounded!

I asked my wife if she ever cheated on me. She said no, she's just really good at hiding things!

Why did the cartoon couple go to therapy? They couldn't figure out if they were drawn together!

Why did the man break up with his calendar? Because it didn't have any dates!

My boyfriend and I met on a dating app for bacon lovers. It was sizzling from the start!

I told my husband I wanted a hug. He said, 'Just use your arms!'