I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.

I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary and she said, 'Nothing would make me happier than a divorce.' So I got her nothing.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I always make bad jokes. So I said, 'Don't leave! We can start a pun-derful life together.'

I'm single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice.

Why did the man bring a ladder to his date? Because he heard it was a step in the right direction.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

My husband always thinks I'm overreacting. Well, at least that's what he said in his journal.

They say marriage is a 50/50 partnership. But my wife insists it's 100/0 - she gets everything, and I get the blame.

My wife complained that I never listen to her. Or something like that.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

Why did the woman bring a pencil to her date? She heard he was a 'write' catch.

My wife gets mad when I steal her kitchen utensils. But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

I asked my girlfriend what she saw in me. She said, 'Nothing.' Then I asked her why she was with me. She said, 'Nothing.'

Why did the man bring a map to his date? In case they hit a rough patch.

Why did the bed break up with the pillow? It couldn't handle the fluff anymore.

My girlfriend said she wanted a hug. So I bought a gallon of ice cream and a box of tissues.

Why did the relationship go to therapy? It had commitment issues.

I asked my wife if I was her first love. She replied, 'You're definitely my last.'

Why did the man propose on a roller coaster? He wanted to take their relationship to new heights.

My girlfriend said she wanted a man with a sense of humor. So I showed her my bank account.

Why did the woman break up with the baker? He was too kneady.