Why did the vampire quit drinking blood? He found salvation in tomato juice.

How did the nun win the marathon? She had a habit of running fast.

What's a vampire's favorite religious text? The undead sea scrolls.

Why do angels always reach great heights? Because they have a heavenly perspective.

What did the nun say to the devil? 'Get thee behind me, Satan...and help with the dishes.'

Why do monks always carry umbrellas? In case of nun-shine.

What do you call someone who steals church bells? A klep-toll-ar.

Why did the pastor carry a pencil to bed? In case he made a prayer mistake.

Where do zombies go to pray? The church of the living dead.

Why did the atheist bring a ladder to church? He wanted to take his beliefs to a higher level.

What do you call a group of musical religious leaders? A symphony of the divine.

Why did the kindergarten teacher go to the monastery? She heard they had great choir-onics.

Did you hear about the angry priest? He had a sermon on the mount - of anger.

Why did the chicken go to confession? It had a fowl mouth.

How do you know when a church is haunted? When you hear the organs play by themselves.

Why did the preacher bring a ladder to the church picnic? He wanted to raise the stakes.

What's a nun's favorite movie genre? Sister Act-tion films.

Why was the nun always calm under pressure? She had a habit of staying cool.

What do you call a lazy nun? A roamin' lazy-catholic.

Why did the pious man get in trouble at the bakery? He kept trying to convert the doughnuts.

What do you get when you cross a preacher and a boxer? A sermon that packs a punch.