Why did the nun go to the dentist? She had a bad habit of grinding her teeth.

Why do people say ‘bless you’ when you sneeze? Because it’s the closest thing to saying ‘God bless you’ without getting religious.

Why do nuns always carry a tape measure? To keep an eye on the size of their habits.

Why do atheists never solve any problems? They can’t pray for anything.

What do you call a nun in a snowstorm? 'Brrr'-other Teresa.

Why do ghosts love churches? They're spirits'ual places.

How did the avocado find spiritual enlightenment? It meditated on its 'pit'y existence.

What's a pirate's favorite part of the church service? The 'aaaargh'-mentation of sins.

Why was the choir director always calm? Because they had 'Psalm' composure.

Why do vampires never get lost? They always follow their 'bat'-GPS.

What do you call a nun with a hammer? A sister in charge of 'nun'-struction.

Why was the math book sad in the church? It couldn't find the 'sine' of forgiveness.

What's a priest's favorite vegetable? 'Lent'-ils.

What's a pirate's favorite religious holiday? Arr-sh Wednesday.

Why do angels never get tired of singing? They have 'heaven'-ly voices.

What did the pastor say to the soap? 'I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy SUDS'.

Why was the magician kicked out of the church? He kept pulling 'rabbits' out of the communion cup.

How did Noah keep fit on the ark? He did a lot of 'soul'-cycling.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocain when he had a tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

What did the grape say after the prayer? 'Amen, raisin'.

How do you know if someone is a warlock? They're always 'hex'-cited about magic.