Why did the alien attend the religious convention? To find out if there's life after life.

What did the genie ask from the priest? 'Can you help me grant some divine wishes?'

Why don't vampires like church bells? They give them bad fang-shui.

How did the bee get saved from drowning? It was baptized in honey.

Why did the football player become a priest? He wanted to punt-uate his life with meaning.

Why was the math book self-conscious at the religious school? It couldn't figure out its faith.

What did the preacher say to the empty pews? 'It's time to take a pew-sitive step.'

Why did the squirrel kneel before the tree? It wanted to confess its acorn sins.

How did the scientist become religious? He realized science couldn't answer all his prayers.

Why did the chicken start attending Sunday service? To get a little bird-ament.

What do you call a horse who's dedicated to yoga? A Namaste-d.

Why don't demons eat dessert? They're already full of sin.

How did the convict find redemption? He struck a plea bargain with God.

How did the lumberjack start his day? With morning prayers and a hearty 'axe-men.'

Why did the archaeologist sneak into the ancient temple? Because he heard it was a grave situation.

What do you call a dog who's a master at meditation? A zen hound.

How did the pirate convert to Christianity? He cast his sins overboard.

Why did the duck join the monastery? He wanted to be a quack monk.

Why did the thief rob the church collection box? He needed some klepto-altar forgiveness.

What do you call a comedian performing at a religious convention? A Holy Jester.

Why did the ghost start going to church? He wanted to exorcise his demons.