What did the religious comedian preach about? The 'ha-holiness' of laughter.

Why did the pastor carry a watch to church? To keep him on sermon.

What do you call a sleeping priest? A nap-tist.

Why couldn't Jonah trust the ocean? Because it kept spouting whale tales.

Why do vampire bats go to church? They reckon the sermon is something to sink their teeth into.

Why do Pilgrims' pants keep falling down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

What do you call a group of religious cats? A purrayer circle.

Why was the math book sad on Sunday? Because it had too many problems.

How did the farmer find his lost Bible? He followed the scripture.

Why did the Buddhist refuse to vacuum? He didn't want to cause extra attachments.

Why did the nun go to the baseball game? She heard they were singing hymns.

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything... but hold the relish.

Why did Noah only have a few animals on the Ark? He couldn't find a pair of ants.

Why did the nun switch to a gluten-free diet? She heard it was the bread of life.

What does a cannibal call a religious person? Holy meal.

Why did the cell phone convert to Buddhism? It wanted to find inner peace and quiet.

What was the golfer’s favorite Bible verse? “For all have sinned and fall short of the golf course.”

Why was the vampire afraid of churches? He was petrified of holy water hazards.

How did the hipster priest communicate with his congregation? He preached using vinyl records for that old-school spiritual experience.

What do you call a nun who walks into a bar? Sister Mary Martini.

Why did the skeleton go to church? He heard they had a bone to pick with him.