Why did the grape stop going to church? It ran out of congreg-juice!

How do you know if someone is a true believer in astrology? They're always raising the zodiac!

Why did the witch convert to Christianity? She heard it was a spell-binding religion!

Why do demons never play hide and seek with angels? Because good always wins!

How do Jewish people make tea? Hebrew it!

Why did the Buddhist refuse painkillers? He wanted to transcend dental medication!

Why did the monk start a vineyard? He heard it was a habit-forming business!

What do you get when you cross a church with a bakery? Holy bread!

How does a priest stay in shape? He exercises his faith!

What does a ninja say before they strike? Karma-sutra!

How do you organize a holy army? You nun-chuck it!

Why did the vampire convert to Christianity? He heard it had a good afterlife plan!

What did the Dalai Lama say to the pizza guy? Make me one with everything!

Why did the choir break up? They couldn't find the right key!

I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!

I’m trying to write with a broken pencil, but it’s pointless.

Why did the preacher always carry a ladder? He wanted to take his sermons to a higher level.

Why did the nun become a referee? She was great at calling 'heavenly fouls.'

Why did the pastor keep a journal? He wanted to take sermons notes.

How does a priest cut his hair? He uses a pray-ers.

What do you call a holy man who doesn't go to the gym? A preacher curl.