How does a shepherd count his sheep? With a sheep-cal.

Why do monks meditate in the desert? Because it's holy sand-tuary.

What do you call a group of singing monks? A Gregorian choir.

Why do angels make terrible baseball players? Because they always fly away from the ball!

Why was the robot so bad at religion? It couldn't pray-gram correctly.

Why did the pastor bring a map to the sermon? To help navigate the scriptures.

Why did the priest go to the doctor? He had a scripture cough.

What do you get when you cross a church with a bakery? Holy rolls!

Why do snakes go to church? To shed their skin and their sins.

What do you call a fish who leads a church service? A holy mackerel.

How did the zombie finally find peace? By attending a dead-ication ceremony.

Why did the man bring his own chair to church? He didn't want the pew to be taken.

How does the Pope get his point across? With exclamation Pope!

Why did the skeleton go to church? To hear the organ-ist.

What do you call a group of singers in the church basement? A choir-practice.

Why couldn't the astronaut believe in God? He had no space for religion.

How do nuns keep their skin looking smooth? By using celestial lotion.

Why did the yogi refuse Novocain when he had his tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why was the vegetable so good at meditation? It was a zen-tomato.

Why did the tofu refuse to meditate? It didn’t want to be soy-ful.

Why did the chicken join a church choir? Because it had the alto together.