Why did the ancient Egyptian go to church? To pray-tice their mummies.

What kind of motorcycle does Jesus ride? A resurrection.

Why did God create snakes before lawyers? He needed someone to blame before sin entered the world.

Why did the bicycle join the monastery? It wanted to be a two-tired vehicle for enlightenment.

What did the Buddha tell the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything, including mustard.

Why don't aliens like to attend church services? They prefer to stay extra-terrestrial.

What did the priest say to the pirate during confession? 'Arr matey, you be forgiven.'

Why do vampires always seem sick? They are always coffin.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun in Australia? A roam-in' Catholic.

What's an atheist's least favorite planet? Amen.

Why did the chicken join a church choir? It had a great voice that was poultry in motion.

Why was the math book sad when it lost its parrot? It had no remainder!

What did the atheist say after finishing a puzzle? 'I have no faith in these pieces.'

Why did the choir director get a bad haircut? They wanted to harmonize with their bangs.

Why do gossipy nuns make terrible chefs? They can't keep a secret ingredient.

Why did the aliens choose to land near a church? They heard there was a congregation of intelligent beings.

How does Satan bake his cookies? With plenty of sin-amon.

Why did the monk go to the doctor? He had Quran-tine symptoms.

Why did the golfer bring extra socks to church? In case he got a hole in one.

What do you call a herd of sheep in a church? A flock of believers.

Why did the pastor wear sunglasses during the sermon? To shade the congregation from his divine glow.