I ordered a pizza with extra cheese, but all I got was cheddar disappointment.

I brought my dog to the flea circus, but all he did was watch.

I told the waiter I wanted my steak well done, so he brought it out burnt to a crisp.

I asked the mechanic if he could fix my brakes. He asked, 'What brakes?'

I tried to buy a candle from the store, but they were sold out. Guess they can't handle my romantic needs.

I told my wife she should be more spontaneous. She looked at me and said, 'That's scheduled for next Thursday.'

I'm not saying my wife is a bad cook, but our microwave just went on strike.

I asked my boss for a raise, and he told me to practice patience. So now I'm just patiently waiting for a new job.

I used to be a baker, but I quickly realized I couldn't handle the heat.

I used to be a locksmith, but I just couldn't find the key to success.

I asked the doctor for some advice on how to live longer. He told me to try and avoid dying.

I told my friend a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

I'm not saying I'm paranoid, but I feel like my toaster is plotting against me.

I told my computer I wanted a break, so it gave me a 404 error.

I just read a book on anti-gravity - I couldn't put it down.

I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, but my pants keep falling down.

My friend says to me: 'What rhymes with orange?' I said: 'No, it doesn't.'

I took a course on time travel, but I couldn't pass it.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The news came out of the purple.

I told my computer I needed a break. It replied with Ctrl+Alt+Delete.