I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

I don't have a short temper. I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.

I'm not saying I'm Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room together?

I'm not saying I'm smarter than you, but I am saying you're not setting the bar very high.

I'm not a people person. I'm more of a 'leave me alone' person.

I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.

I'm not saying you're stupid, you just have bad luck when thinking.

I'm not a morning person. I'm more of a 'leave me alone until noon' person.

I'm not saying I'm always right, I'm just saying you're usually wrong.

I'm not saying you're silly, I'm just implying it very strongly.

I'm not saying you're a terrible driver, but if you were a color, you'd be accident black.

I'm not saying I dislike you, I'm just saying I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

I'm not smiling because I'm happy. I'm just trying to figure out which part of my face looks the least angry.

I'm not shy, I just don't like you.

I'm not saying I'm indecisive, but I could be.

I'm not saying you're annoying, it's just that everywhere you go... the sun goes too.

I'm not saying I'm a psychic, but I knew you were going to annoy me.

I'm not saying the customer is always wrong, but the customer is always exhausting.

I'm not saying you're boring, but I'd rather watch paint dry. Actually, that's not fair to the paint.

I'm not saying you're dumb, you just have bad luck when thinking.