I'm not saying I'm a cynic, but I'd be surprised if this joke actually makes anyone laugh.

I'm not saying I'm forgetful, but I did just walk into a room and forget why I went in there... again.

I'm not saying I have a lot of hobbies, but I can binge-watch a TV series in one sitting like it's a sport.

I'm not a control freak, I just prefer things to be done my way... which happens to be the right way.

I'm not saying I'm a germaphobe, but I did just use hand sanitizer after scrolling through this joke list.

I'm not saying I'm bad at math, but I have to use my fingers to count the number of times I've messed up simple calculations.

I'm not saying I have a big ego, but I do tend to take compliments as confirmations of what I already know.

I'm not saying I'm paranoid, but I do always lock my car doors twice... just to be sure.

I'm not saying I'm a picky eater, but I did just spend 30 minutes reading Yelp reviews before deciding on a place to order from.

I'm not saying I'm an impulse buyer, but I did just buy 5 things online that I'll probably never use.

I'm not saying I enjoy being sarcastic, but it is pretty fun to watch people try to figure out if I'm serious or not.

I'm not saying I'm a night owl, but I do come alive at 2 am when I suddenly remember all the things I forgot to do during the day.

I'm not saying I have a gambling problem, but I have been known to bet on whether the light will turn green before I get to the intersection.

I'm not saying I'm a master chef, but I did once make instant ramen without burning the house down... so, basically Gordon Ramsay.

I have a black belt in procrastination. I could have gotten it sooner, but I kept putting it off.

I'm not saying I'm a workaholic, but I did just take a 10-minute break after working for 5 minutes.

I'm not sure if I'm a morning person or a night owl... I just know I really love my bed.

I'm not saying I'm a perfectionist, but I did spend an hour organizing my sock drawer.

I'm not a morning person. I'm more of a 'grumble quietly and glare at anyone who tries to talk to me' person.

I'm not sure if I have resting b**** face or if I'm just perpetually unimpressed.

I'm not saying I'm a genius, but I did just spend 20 minutes looking for my phone while talking on it.