Why is it called a 'shortcut' if it actually makes the trip longer?

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it. Well, technically I got over them.

I'm not saying I'm a know-it-all, but I have Google as my homepage.

I'm not saying I'm bad at math, but I'm not an integral part of your life.

I'm not saying I'm indecisive, but... well, maybe I am.

Why is it called a building if it's already built?

I love it when people ask me dumb questions, it really brightens my day.

I don't have a funny bone, I have a sarcasm muscle.

I love it when my phone autocorrects me, it always knows what I'm trying to say better than I do.

I don't have a beer belly, I have a protective layer for my six-pack.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it.

I'm not saying I'm a genius, but I can count the number of times I've been wrong on one hand.

I'm really good at making decisions, especially when they don't matter.

I wake up every morning looking this good, it's a gift really.

I love when people say 'I woke up like this' like yeah, we all woke up looking like we were hit by a truck.

I always bring a knife to a gunfight, just to even the odds.

I'm not a control freak, but can we do it my way anyway?

I totally get why people wear sunglasses inside, the light in here is blinding.

I'm really good at multi-tasking, like right now I'm texting and rolling my eyes at the same time.

I have a black belt in shopping, it's a serious skill.

I'm such a great listener, as long as you're not talking.