I broke my arm in two places... I shouldn't go back to those places.

I used to be a DJ, but I couldn't handle the spin.

I'm scared of elevators, so I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.

What's a balloon's least favorite type of music? Pop!

Why was the lightbulb always tired? Because it was always being switched on!

Why did the bicycle keep falling down? It lost its balance!

Why did the strawberry cry? Because it was in a jam!

Why did the chicken sit on the axe? To hatchet a plan!

Why did the soda go to the party alone? It didn't have a plus one!

Why did the banana go to the doctor? It was feeling a little bruised!

Why did the tomato go to the doctor? It was a little saucy!

Why was the pomelo afraid of the lime? It was a little bitter!

Why don't bicycles stand up on their own? They're two-tired!

Why was the calendar always hungry? Because it had too many dates!

Why did the kid bring a ladder to the bar? They heard the drinks were on the house!

What do you call a fish wearing a crown? King Carp!

What do you call a piece of wood that can speak? An orator!

How do you make an egg roll? Just push it down a hill!

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one!

Why did the math book visit the beach? To work on its tan-gent!

What's a pirate's favorite letter? Arrrr!