What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!

Did you hear about the claustrophobic fish? It kept getting too close to the net!

I tried to catch some fog today, but I mist.

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays.'

Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flatmate.

What do you call a tomato in warm weather? A hot tamale!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline is a parent!

Why was Cinderella bad at soccer? She always ran away from the ball!

What do you call a bear with no teeth and no legs? A gummy bear!

Why couldn't the math teacher take the square root of any number? It had too many issues to solve!

I told a chemistry joke in class and got no reaction...

Why did the bike go to the doctor? It had a flat tire.

What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? Cantelope.

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

Why did the acrobat bring a ladder to the show? He wanted to step up his performance!

Why did the scarecrow go to the gym? To work on his straw-biceps!

How does a barber make phone calls? He gives them a little trim-ring!

Why did the math book look sad at the comedy club? Too many problems were the punchlines!

How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste!

Why did the chicken become a stand-up comedian? It had all the best jokes in the coop!

What did one plate say to the other plate at dinner? Tonight, you're looking dishy!