Why did the tennis player go to the bank? To get his backhand!

Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut!

Why did the scarecrow go on a diet? He was tired of being corny!

Why did the painter only carry a pencil? He couldn't draw conclusions.

What did the plate say to the cup? You're looking a little saucer!

What did one ski say to the other ski? Let's hit the slopes!

You know why I can't stand break-in's? Because I've never thought my life could use a little more breaking!

Why did the clown go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little funny!

Why was the belt upset? It was always getting belted and never got a break!

Why did the astronaut break up with his alien girlfriend? He needed space!

How do teddy bears keep their friends close? They stuff them!

What did the pop star say to the vegetable band? Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do donuts go to school? To be cream-puffed!

How does a duck buy lipstick? Just put it on the bill!

How do you make a banana split? Run from the gorilla!

Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his straw field!

How do you become friends with a squirrel? Act like a nut!

Why was the belt arrested at the party? It held up the wrong pants!

What did the tree wear to the swim meet? Swim trunk!

How do you make a lemon stop rolling down the hill? Squash it!

Why did the tomato turn red in the schoolyard? It saw the salad dressing!