Why did the runner stop listening to music? He broke the record.

What did the janitor do on the first day of school? Sweep the students off their feet.

How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.

I took a photo of a field of wheat, but it wasn't very grainy.

I'm really good at math, but I prefer pie.

They say you are what you eat, that's why I avoid fast food.

I used to run a dating service for chickens, but the customers only wanted hens.

I got my wife a refrigerator for our anniversary. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Why was the bear so grumpy? He had a lot of un-bear-able problems.

Why was the broom late? It swept in after everyone else.

Why was the belt nervous? It felt strapped for time.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful musician? He had great pitch.

Why did the bubble wrap break up with the tape? It was too clingy.

Why did the music teacher go to jail? Allegations of minor scales.

Why did the apple break up with the orange? It couldn't find the core values.

Why did the blanket go to the bed? It wanted to get covered.

How did the cookie propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.

Why did the pencil do well in school? It had a good point.

What did the charger say to the power outlet? You electrify me.

How does a barber make phone calls? He cuts them short.

What do you call a tree that tells jokes? Comedy bark.