Why did the scarecrow become a successful business owner? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What did the thumb say to the pinky? I'm in glove with you.

Why did the tomato start a fight with the lettuce? It had beef with it.

What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear.

Why did the math book look sad? It got bad reviews.

Why did the baseball keep getting larger? It couldn't hit the ground.

Why did the baseball player go to jail? He stole second base.

Why wouldn't the shrimp share its treasure? Because it was a little shellfish.

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

I asked my plant if it wanted to hear a joke. It remained rooted in silence.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Door. Door who? Doorknob.

I told my friend a joke about cheese, but it was too cheesy for her.

I told the pencil a joke, but it was pointless.

I asked my phone if it wanted to hear a joke. It said 'Siri-ously?'

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired of standing up.

I told my wallet a joke, but it just laughed all my money away.

I asked the chair if it wanted to hear a joke. It remained seat-ed.

I tried to take a picture of some fog, but it mist.

I asked the clock if it wanted to hear a joke. It said it didn't have the time.

I told my fridge a joke, but it thought it was too cold.

Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants... and refusing to take them off.