What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley... but only in the herb-itory.

I asked my toothbrush if it wanted to hear a joke. It said it didn't find it very clean.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Door. Door who? Doorknob... this joke has no handle on reality.

I told my dog a joke, but he didn't laugh. He's a dog.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it was tomato-colored.

I told my computer a joke, but it crashed. It couldn't handle it.

I asked my cat if it wanted to hear a joke. It just stared at me. Cats.

I told my friend 10 jokes to tickle his funny bone. No response.

I asked the waiter for a quick joke. He said, 'Our service.'

Why don't mountains get cold in the winter? They peak all year long.

What did the math book say to the calculator? You can count on me.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was an outstanding citizen.

How do you drown a hipster? Throw them in the mainstream.

Why did the tomato turn redder? It was blushing.

Why did the scarecrow become a mathematician? Because it was outstanding in its field.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was a-maize-ing.

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was unbalanced.

Why was the math book sad? It couldn't find its x.

What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

Why did the ghost go to the party? He heard they needed a good booer.

Why did the scarecrow 3.14? Because it was a-corn-y.