Why did the banana break up with the orange? It couldn't peel with the distance.

Why did the couple never get married? They couldn't find a date that worked for both of them.

Why did the couple go to the therapist? They needed to work on their relationship issues.

I told my wife she should do more cardio. So she started arguing with me.

Why did the necklace break up with the bracelet? It felt too restrained.

Why did the man propose in a library? He wanted to check out forever.

Why did the tree go on a date? It was looking for some tree-mendous love.

Why was the calendar sad? Because its days were numbered.

Why did the bike break up with the skates? It couldn't handle the speed.

Why did the man bring a map to his date? He was lost in her eyes.

Why did the crayon break up with the pencil? He felt too sharp for her.

Why did the man bring a magnifying glass to his date? He was looking for someone special.

Why did the cell phone break up with the landline? It couldn't handle the long distance.

I used to date a baker, but she broke up with me. She said I was too kneady.

My boyfriend said he wanted a break, so I handed him a Kit Kat.

I told my girlfriend she should do more baking. She asked why. I said, 'Because you knead it.'

Why did the grape stop dating? It was tired of the raisin drama.

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said yes. That I'm not there and she's all alone.

My girlfriend said she wants me to be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends.

I used to play piano for my girlfriend, but she broke up with me. She said my notes were too flat.

My girlfriend said she wanted space. So I locked her outside.