My boyfriend thinks we should break up because I'm obsessed with soccer. Well, I'm not gonna keep him on the side like a goalie.

Why did the banker break up with his girlfriend? He lost interest.

My girlfriend is like a fine wine. She's all good until she gets stuck in your head.

Did you hear about the guy who started dating his GPS? He said she keeps telling him to make a U-turn.

My girlfriend is always stealing my hoodies and shirts. But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly we need to talk.

I have a joke about construction, but I am still working on it.

Relationships are a lot like yard sales. You see a lot of junk, but you never know when you might find a hidden treasure.

Why did the scarecrow break up with the corn stalk? It was just too ear-resistible.

Why couldn't the bicycle find a date? It was too tired.

Why did the man bring a spoon to the date? In case they struck a cord.

Why did the girl break up with the calendar? Because she felt like she was just another date.

Why did the math book break up with the history book? They just didn't connect.

Why was the calendar scared of the clock? It knew they had a date.

Why did the card break up with the envelope? It couldn't seal the deal.

What did the paper clip say to the magnet? You attract me.

Why did the belt break up with the pants? They were too constricting.

Why did the chicken break up with the rooster? He was too much of a cock-a-doodle-don't.

What do you call an engagement ring in water? A promise to stay afloat.

Why did the sock break up with the shoe? It couldn't find a good sole mate.

Why did the fruit go to couples therapy? It had serious meloncholy.

I asked my wife to try a new position with me. She said, ‘The clean-up positions are your responsibility.’