Why did the woman break up with the grape? Because it was wine-ing too much.

My husband said I need to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Why did the woman bring a pencil to her date? She heard he was a sketchy guy.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to hear a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy.

Why did the woman break up with the calendar? Because she heard he was taking too many days off.

I told my boyfriend he should embrace his inner child. Now he's building pillow forts every night.

Why did the man bring a key to his date? He wanted to unlock her heart.

My wife said she wanted to see other people. I told her the view is great from the couch!

Why did the math teacher break up with the graph? Because they had too many axes to grind.

I asked my husband if he ever fantasizes about me, he said yes - about me doing the laundry.

I told my girlfriend she should embrace her mistakes, she thought I said 'embrace the steaks' and hugged a T-bone.

Why did the woman bring a map to her date? She heard he was going places.

My boyfriend asked me to stop telling airport jokes, they're terminal.

Why did the woman bring a ruler to her date? She heard he was a real straight shooter.

My wife said I need to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Why do mermaids always know their relationship status? They like to keep things ship-shape!

Why did the man bring a ladder to his date? He heard she was falling for him.

Why did the romantic ghost break up with his girlfriend? She kept saying 'boo' to commitment!

My girlfriend said she needed space. So I locked her out of the house.

Why don't skeletons ever go on dates? They don't have the guts!

My boyfriend told me we need to talk... I wonder if he wants to discuss the meaning of life or just what's for dinner?