Why couldn't the grape go to church? It was involved in a vine crime.

What do you get when you cross a nun and a vampire? A bloody good prayer.

Why was the chicken kicked out of the monastery? It wouldn't stop 'clucking' during meditation.

Why did the priest start a bakery? He wanted to 'rise' with his dough.

Why do spiders make good preachers? They know how to 'spin' a web of faith.

Why did the pirate go to church? He wanted to pray for some 'booty'.

What do you call someone who steals from the church donation box? A 'sin'dicate member.

Why did the Dalai Lama refuse dessert at the buffet? He wanted to save room for 'enlightenment'.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a priest? Someone who can deliver a truly 'fang'-tastic sermon.

What did the grape say when Jesus turned water into wine? 'That's grape!'

Why did the skeleton go to the church? To repent for his past 'bonely' actions.

What did the preacher do when the church caught fire? He went into preach mode and started to 'sermon' the flames.

Why did the priest bring a stepladder to Mass? He wanted to take his sermon to the next level.

Why did the Buddhist refuse to vacuum? Because he didn't want to 'suck' up any living beings.

What do you call an angel who tells jokes? The heavenly comedian.

Why did the choir singer go to therapy? She had too many issues with her 'pitch'.

Did you hear about the nun who won the lottery? She prayed for a jackpot and 'miraculously' won.

Why did the zombie go to church? To find some 'body' of Christ.

What do you call a nun with a gambling problem? Sister Luck.

Why did the pastor start a vegetable garden? He wanted to 'reap' what he sowed.

Why was the Bible always cold? It had a lot of drafts.