Why do the Bible and the phone book have in common? They both have lots of names, but you can't call any of them.

Why don't vampires like organized religion? Too many crosses to bear.

What's a priest's favorite tool? A prayer wrench.

Why did Noah keep fish in the ark? He needed to have plenty to drink.

What do you call a nun who sleepwalks during Lent? A roaming Catholic.

Why did the pastor bring sunscreen to church? Because he wanted to prevent any more burning bushes.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A Roman Catholic.

What do you get when you cross a nun and a kangaroo? A hot cross nun.

Why couldn't the atheist find his keys? Because they were in a different dimension.

What did one angel say to the other angel? Halo from the other side.

Why did the Zen Buddhist refuse Novocaine during root canal work? Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

What's a vampire's least favorite meal? Holy watermelon.

Why did the alien bring a Bible to the spaceship? He wanted to start an extra-terrestrial religion.

What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear-andy.

Why did the vampire go to church? He heard it was a good place to get a little 'bite'.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? He was outstanding in his field.

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.

Why did the chicken join a church choir? It had a great egg-sperience.

What do you call a nun in a kayak? Virgin Mary.

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit? It wanted to be cultured.

Why couldn't the bicycle find salvation? It was two tired.