I love giving 100% at work. 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, and so on.

I try to see the glass as half full, but then I remember I'm just thirsty.

I always aim to be the best version of myself: asleep.

I told my therapist that I have a fear of giants. She told me to stop exaggerating.

I always say 'goodnight' to my Wi-Fi before going to bed. Gotta keep the connection strong.

I love when my phone autocorrects to 'ducking.' It's such a quack-up.

I don't have a big ego. I just have a small universe.

I try to avoid cliches like the plague. Oops, there I go again.

I love when someone tells me to follow my dreams. Like, where do they think I've been going this whole time?

I love when people say 'age is just a number.' Clearly, they've never filled out an online form.

I don't believe in astrology. I'm such a Sagittarius about it.

I love when my phone autocorrects every word except the one I'm trying to type.

I hope the weather is nice tomorrow for my trip to the fridge.

Just keep talking, I always yawn when I'm interested.

I told my therapist I have trouble expressing my emotions. He gave me a blank stare.

I love it when someone tells me to 'have a nice day.' It's such a unique concept.

I don't always procrastinate, but when I do, I do it perfectly at the last minute.

Sure, let's have a meeting to discuss all the previous meetings we've had about this topic. Because that's productive.

Are you sure you want my opinion? The last time I checked, no one asked for it.

I love how the WiFi signal gets weaker the moment I step outside. It's nature's way of saying, 'Get back indoors.'

You're absolutely right, my diet could use more kale and quinoa. But have you heard about this thing called pizza?